True love is hard to believe. Many times, I envisioned what it would look like; I would get swept off my feet literally, but little did I know that I would one day meet a man of GOD and feel so content and happy learning and growing with someone who is many times as broken as I am but the willingness to heal and take the time and effort to heal one’s self, every day is key to this love story. So, let’s start this story with someone else’s Hallmark channel.
A month and a half ago, one of my staff members was in awe that the author she was always commenting on finally wanted to be her friend. Come to find out, she was her age and liked girls. They hit it off and were always in communication, the type that you go into work the next day dragging your arse because you are so stinking tired because you couldn’t bear to end the call. Many nights were spent on the phone while the other slept. You see, this girl of her dreams lives across the country; other than that minor setback, things seemed excellent. I called it a Hallmark movie, and they were meant to be. I was jealous even though I thought I had found my Mr. Right then. Right as well… little did I know that as a Christian woman and a very big “you do you boo” person, I was hardcore settling. It’s a thing I do frequently and was a blinding light of… feeling called out when I learned about being patient and faithful in GOD and waiting for what he has for me… I was focused on this guy because he seemed sweet, kind, and thoughtful. He believed in God but, again, wasn’t going to go to church, prioritized his work, and then lived a life of video games and hunting. Afterward, he was more often than not drinking. Now, back to the love story brewing, I was in awe of how well they got along and how my friend was excited about her relationship. When she came into work the next day and said guess what?!?, I knew right then and there that she was no longer single, and I was a little envious of her. When I was on the dating sites, and she kept mentioning wanting to get onto them and see what it was like for herself, many times I would get jealous and think, “What if she found someone before me and became, well, not single and I sat there being single at almost 35 and alone. That is not very Christian of me… which is why I titled this blog “The Messy Christian.”
I am far from the perfect Christian woman I envisioned when I was a child and even as an adult. But I pushed it further down and kept trucking ahead. The guy I was talking to wanted kids in the future and was still communicating with me, so I thought, man, we had found our people! Fast forward a bit, and it turns out that the guy I was about to settle for was leading me on and had no intentions of meeting me or possibly even becoming the friends we were aiming for. Around the same time, my friend stopped talking about her girlfriend. She and I both had hit bumps in the road. My bump was I had to pick a new human to get to know, and when I say that small talk makes me want to gouge my eyes out, that’s an understatement. That’s probably the reason I am horrible at dating. I want the deep questions, but most people find them invasive at the beginning of the talking process. But, I’d rather get them out of the way before I chose someone to talk to for the rest of my life; let’s be honest, your favorite color and meal mean nothing unless we last long enough for me to purchase your clothing in that color, think about color coordinating our outfits and cooking your meals… So, with that being said, I ended up on dating apps, trying to date again; I downloaded Bumble, upward, and Duet. Duet, I found it boring, and I never really used it. Bumble, I got tired of having to spark a conversation every time. I may like being in control but… I didn’t like having to start the conversation ALWAYS. I also tried an app called Bagel and Coffee again; I was being suggested men that I had no interest in. Eventually, after matching with Christians who had questionable morals, one guy asked me if I was the stereotypical Christian girl who was waiting for marriage for sex and then asked for a booty picture… I swiped on this man named David. Everyone else seemed mundane and boring. A week before matching with David, I had turned down a few guys wanting to exchange numbers. They all felt boring and mundane, but David, on the other hand, we were 24 hours into talking, and David asked if I wanted to text outside of the app; I was like, HERES MY NUMBER! We texted a lot. I was being swept off my feet with his words, and then we talked for hours that night, probably until 1:00 or 2:00 AM! Then, the next day, we texted, and things were going great. Suddenly, I got hit with a bombshell from David. He had gotten scared that I was too good to be true and that God would take me from him like his late wife, Melissa. That’s a scary thing to deal with when you have lost a spouse, the person he was planning on spending the rest of his life with. At first, I was like, okay then… bye… but I was like, Nah, we’re going to discuss these boundary lines and hash this out because I didn’t want to let go of him. So I asked just that. To be specific, let me pull up that text. It may take me a bit to find it, haha. “Okay… I was still just aiming at building a friendship, but if you want a clean cut and no friendship, I understand. Just trying to find the clear boundary line.” (information not needed for the point of the message) “Umm I guess let me know if you want a clean cut or to be friends. It’s all understandable; it sucks because so far, you’re the only person I’ve met with the same values, but you have to worry about yourself, and I get that.” I felt terrible after this one and decided to clarify because I don’t like my point not coming across clearly, so I then sent, “Sorry, I was transitioning tasks, so I was abrupt and should have slowed down. I fully understand where you are coming from. And me asking about the friendship is because I want clear boundaries to respect. So if you bluntly want a clean cut and we don’t communicate then that’s fine and I understand. If you still want friendship, which was my goal, as that’s what you stated, then I can respect that. I just want to have that clear boundary to respect is all.” He accepted my friendship hesitantly, but I am thankful he did. Later, after we met, he told me he was hesitant the next two days after we decided to be friends. It was clear that we were not cut out to be JUST friends; we clicked easily and spent HOURS on the phone; it was always 3-5 hours on the phone. That night, when he asked to pray before we ended the call, I was laying in bed crying happy tears because I had finally FINALLY found my person. I’m beyond thankful I took that risk and swiped right on him!